The world owes me nothing. People, my family, friends, you, owe me nothing. Expectations of oneself are a way to grow. Expectations of others are inappropriate. Who am I to expect anything from anybody? Expecting to withdraw what you want/ desire, what society expects, from someone else’s energy is ridiculous and sometimes even selfish. I don’t “expect” anything from others. I can have high hopes for them, support them, and even love them. I can hope and support that they find whatever they want. But I will not anticipate what they should / should not do. I will not assume, or “expect”. What I expect from myself, I cannot possibly expect from others. This works both ways. What you expect of yourself, you cannot possibly expect of me. We are all so unique, in all our ways of living. We talk, dance, kiss, eat, drink, live and breathe individually/ uniquely. This is a stem of wisdom I have come to realise. How can our expectations be the same?
All my life, I have felt in bondage due to other’s expectations placed upon me. I can see it in my middle eye, all the way up to now. I won’t get into detail about those expectations, because what they expected is not even important, its not the point ( plus we could be here a long time. There were many “big” things expected of me!). I know my parents expected me to live like they would, if they were in my shoes. To work within a clean, glamorous, respectable job, settle in Dublin with a nice, manly, Irish lad, driving my shiny car. Playing it safe. Never questioning life, limitations, or society. My parents are stoics. They accept everything that life/ nature throws at them. I cannot do that. I cannot fail to question what is simply accepted. I want to dig deeper. I need to create my own answers.
“The Celestine prophecy” (check out this book!) taught me that to understand my parents lives and choices, I will understand my life and make better choices for my evolution. In many ways, many parents unconsciously expect us to live the lives they failed to live. To have what they did not have. And most of the time, this is not what we truly want.
Many offspring feel obliged to fulfil their parent’s expectations of them. Many children feel it is their duty to live the dreams their parents did not. Some feel obliged to repeat their parent’s history, and follow in their footsteps. I cannot do this. I want to make my own steps, my own footprints. If we all did what was done before us, nothing new and fresh would be created. I have no fear in choosing the path least trodden.
Expectations taint every aspect of our lives, from behaviour, social standing, to relationships and education. I know a few people who are academically involved in a career that they did not choose for themselves. There are people who believe it is better to be doing the wrong thing, than to upset other’s equilibrium, and do what is right for them. This also spills into relationships. Partners, lovers, friends, stay together because they feel obliged on behalf of their lover, their spouse, “the children”, their parents, their “history”. All reasons that are truly excuses to avoid facing the truth. If you are in a relationship, friendship, or partnership, be there because you choose it. Offer yourself to these blessings because you are free, and free to want to be there. Commitment is a choice. Immature people make commitment out to be bondage, a trap, lack of freedom. This is so untrue. It is a profound, personal, choice. If you do not choose commitment, which means trusting, supporting, and working positively, you are not committed. Trust, support, working towards a greater goal, is something only you can choose. This is a great freedom in itself.
Keeping it simple, I let go of all expectations I have of others. And in turn, I let go of any expectations imposed upon me. This means not adhering to anybody’s rules, regulations, or assumptions, of what I want, who I am, and what I will do. This frees my spirit.
I do not expect to be loved, encouraged, supported, and cared for. If people offer me such gifts, I will be humbled and thankful. For their offering is of their choosing, and not because it is assumed or expected. Their willingness, their desire to reach out, is liberating. Love is never constricting. Love is liberation.
If I offer to love, support, and care, it is because I choose to do so. The special, beloved people in my life, know I reach out to them, and listen, because my faith, my support, is sincere and genuine. Not because of expectation. Expectations, assumptions, encourage people to fake what they feel. Your truth, what you truly, deeply feel, should encourage your actions. That way, you cannot fail. For the truth is all there is.
I am faithful, because I feel truth and faith. Be faithful, because you choose to be. That is empowering.
To choose one’s own life, To offer all your blessings, because you are free to do so, gives you inner power, and empowers what you give. That makes you and I responsible for our what we offer. The one who receives what you give, can be negatively affected or positively empowered by what you offer. This makes you and I in power of what we freely choose to give.
What I offer you is my truth. I am free to love, to encourage, to create. I owe you nothing, but I offer you everything. I love because I want to Love.
Aoibheann Sioga Mary Doyle